Are you taking your meds?

The other day a friend unknowingly asked me the wrong question during a PTSD moment. "Are you taking your meds?" Asking a Combat PTSD Veteran if they have taken their medicine during times of stress can often be frowned upon by the wary Vet (attempt at humor); not really a good idea. The only thing she did was ask me if I was taking my meds because she could see I was stressed, that's it. But, to the stressed out Combat PTSD Veteran, timing is everything. I needed to counter-reflect in the moment, which I have love to do, to take myself out of being stressed. So I looked at this occasion as am opportunity to teach someone I love about how my mind works. 

Her question,

But isn't that a natural question? I know if I don't take mine, I get symptoms.

Me, "Yes, and you shouldn't know that its not a good thing to do ask a vet at that time."

Ok, thanks for letting me know. I'll try to remember that. Can I be honest about my opinion of what you just told me?

Me, "Yes. If I am not mad at you its ok to ask if I am taking my meds, if not then ask the next day."

I don't really think that's fair to just say "don't ask if I am taking my meds" I understand that it can cause a reaction. Of course I don't understand because I haven't been where you have been. But if your friend is showing roller coaster moods it seems like a logical question. I want to understand, but I will never be able to truly truly understand, only one who has lived it can understand.

I can explain to most people what I go through and make them understand for the most part.

Anger needs a target for everyone. Anger heeds a object, for without a quarry there is no anger. If we feel angry then we can usually name who or what has triggered this emotion within us. If not, it can manifest as an internal conflict, thereby creating a problematic environment or situation for the Combat PTSD Veteran. Without realizing this internal conflict we can project this struggle onto others we feel emotionally close, for the dissociative mind can confuse the intimacy with loved ones with the intimacy of war.

Peak's and valleys.. PTSD

PTSD...after many years it's still there...WHAMO... it's hit and has left me dazed, again and again.

Nobody knows what to say, what to do... take these pills...now let's forget about it, they say.

Huh?

I am lost...dazed...here somewhere, begging for help. Yet, why ask for help if there is none available right now? It's like asking for something one will never, ever be able to have. Fruitless.

What will become of the many souls we have coming home from "assignments" in areas of "conflict?" How will we help them if we do not get better at this?

I am one...or few. They are very,very many...who is going to help the wailing souls?

Oh, yes... the pharmaceutical companies will befriend them, for a price.

Where's the human hand in this, the one that can soothe if only it knew how? Why are so many just "ducking out" of their "calling" to help?

I have been screaming for help. I am told to take a pill...or two..maybe even three, if needed.

Can't you see the neglect? The failure to respond to other human beings? Where are you?

PTSD...and I struggle one with another, to see who will win. I cry, I pray, I hope, I wait...I crouch, I hide, I'm numb, I die...inside. I am an empty shell... now.

You could have helped me.